I've began my new year before the new year took place, but I have to admit to myself--at first I was feeling a bit too much. Not in the way of being ‘extra‘ as many people refer too, but more so overwhelmed in a multitude of emotions where it was challenging to describe. The reminder of the gem of a book—The Fault in Our Stars was placed back into my remembrance when an instagram account I follow referenced it. That book was probably one of the first books I’ve ever gotten real close to finishing, but never did. Hazel Grace, the main character, which the account referenced had a realization about handling and holding—this is a screenshot of the post and underlined her (Hazel Grace’s) words:
This really inspired me. I’m sure my adolescent mind overlooked the depth this book carried. Regardless, I’m glad I’m able to reread this passage now because it helped me understand more about myself and how to perceptually work with my emotions.
I thought about my own sensitivity and at times how it feels like the world can’t handle me. I noticed that when I feel that way, I become reclusive. I gravitate towards things that I like to do like watch anime, write, read, literally tend to my care needs like brushing my teeth or doing my hair. Very simple, but the truth is God is holding me, therefore I shouldn’t settle or allow myself to be handled by the world.
This passage makes me wonder how many times have we thought we were meant to handle a thing or something when we were really meant to hold it?
How often are you held? How often do you hold? Not just onto, but gently embraced with warm arms and loving hands? How often do you embrace versus brace for? Sometimes people leave us and they can’t hold us (and that’s okay). When people say “I can’t handle that” they are really saying, “I can’t hold that”.
Which makes complete sense because holding requires patience, courage, love, tenderness, and a certain level of peace—while handling simply doesn’t require any of that at all.. it‘s sort of just done.
We all need holding, not handling—holding keeps us, protects us. I found in the Word that the word hold is more numerous than handle and the way the word hold is used, it alludes to that patience, courage, love, tenderness, peace, and protection.
“The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.”
Exodus 14:14 KJV
“Hold up my goings in thy paths, that my footsteps slip not.”
Psalms 17:5 KJV
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